When I became a catholic all those years ago there was no hint of any council.Yet within a few short years I found myself in the midst of what was called "The Showcase of Vatican 2".I dont remember any explanation for the changes,it seemed to happen almost overnight.No guides to the New Mass,no discussions on the documents ,no help for our bewilderment .It seemed to me that our priests were silent,certainly sermons on the evils of "modernity"ceased.I was too new to question.Too new,too young ,too inarticulate.
I survived for ten years.I worked in the parish,joined the Legion of Mary considered a religious vocation.But underneath there was a growing, undeniable ,conviction that what was happening in the church was not what I had signed up for.Central to my faith however and something that never wavered, was the belief that this was indeed the church that Christ founded.I held on to that belief then,and in the years that followed.I hold on to it now.
It is about three years since I returned.I have had a lot of solitude,a lot of deep thinking a lot of soul searching.I have read the Vatican 2 documents...well most of them.I have read about the"Ottiavani Intervention"and the subsequent letter of loyalty. I have compared the church we have now and what it was like before.What I was like then,and what I am now.I have read liberal blogs,traditional blogs,protestant blogs.I have tried to bend my mind to what some call nu-church, and what follows are my conclusions.
I believe Blessed John Paul's words,that "It is the privilege of the ordained to touch the sacred species".(I have seen instances of self -communicating,and lay people who"Do Exposition".)
I believe that the use of Extraordinary ministers should be just that.Extraordinary.
I believe that our priests should take Our Lord to the sick and the housebound(who hears their confessions?)
I believe in the validity of the Novus Ordo.
I yearn for The Mass of Ages.
I believe that The Blessed Sacrament reserved, should not be kept in a hole in a wall,but in the most prominent position .
I believe in the use of the Latin language in the liturgy.
I believe that men and women have their own separate place in the life of the church(I guess that means men only on the Altar )
I believe that the Extraordinary Form should be available in every parish(difficult as yet I know,but I still believe it should be so).
I believe that the priest should celebrate Mass facing God, together with the people.
I believe that Mass is the re-presentation of the sacrifice of Calvary,and not the celebration of The Last Supper(I have met those who think it to be so)
I believe that true participation in Holy Mass consists in the reception of Holy Communion in a state of grace.
I realise that I am just as orthodox or traditional or whatever you may wish to call it, now, as what I was when I was just a slip of a girl.I have not moved on.I cannot move on.Was I wrong then?Am I wrong now?And what I believed then and what I deemed holy ,and what the church taught me was holy, is it any less holy now?And if it is less holy how can that be?
So I ponder upon these things and generally keep them in my heart.....unless I am asked of course....oh if only someone would ask!